Bill Roddey: You can be right all the time and be alone. Or you can be wrong most of the time and be in a relationship.
It's 2 P.M. somewhere in the world. Time for a nap.
Look out, he'll come after you like a Philly cop with a taser!
The most interesting man in the world once poked Jesus on Facebook, started a Mafia War in Farmville and turned tap water into Poland Springs. Stay thirsty my friends.
Life is short, so when you're down, dance inside your teardrops.
Worst wake-up call ever-Death
An ideal demise for a struggling actor could be to drop down dead in Manhattan after auditioning for a one word extra role in the movie "Squid Man"- representing the reality of death with the illusion of following your dreams. Later your wife learns you didn't get the role from a giddy guy who did, illustrating luck, ...loss and the futility of ego, in one final rejection after death.
It was so hot today that the flies were dropping like people.
I'm writing wrongs today. Put ice cubes with dead flies frozen inside to chill jugs of your child's lemonade at his corner stand. Then when the ice melts and flies float to the top make fun of the kind people who buy glasses of warm fly bobbing lemonade. For Christmas give gag Fix-A -Flat cans that not only don't fix flats, but make farting sounds and smells when used in emergencies.
The daily drama of life goes on and on, while Jack recedes further and further into the past, as just bones in a box.
Went for a walk today. God sure loves bugs and bunnies, and of course, the great Bugs Bunny.
There's an order in the universe. Unfortunately, it's for fries
It was so hot today the wind was sweating.
It was so humid today, Donald Trump's ego wilted.
It was so hot today a cold cup of tea in the kitchen collected a swarm of mosquitoes.
Patience just takes too much damn time!
General McCrystal Meth Head
" I could have had a G-8...Summit that is! Instead of a G-20." Pres. Obama.
A team of scientists is going to examine Ozzy Osborn to see why he's still alive after all his years of incredible abuse. He should have died long ago by all medical standards. I wonder what the lab tests are for zombieism.
A true pessimist doesn't see the glass as half full or half empty, he sees it as so cracked it could cut him if he used it.
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