THE FIRST REALITY TV COMMERCIAL

(sfx: Some kind of jingle)

ANNCR: Since reality TV shows continue to be popular and may become even more so. Here is the inevitable first reality TV commercial.

THE VOICE: Thank you for calling Verizon. Are you calling about phone number 717-242-9954?

ROD: Yes.

THE VOICE: I did not understand. Are you calling about 717-242-9954?

ROD: Yes I am, doll face.

THE VOICE: 718-954-7694?

ROD: (Sternly) No, 717-242-9954.

THE VOICE: 749-345-9876?

ROD: (Getting angry) No, you got it right before.

THE VOICE: 444-444-4444?

ROD: (Exasperated) No, not all fours. You got it right the last time.

THE VOICE: 999-999-9999?

ROD: (Yelling) No, 717-242-9954. 717-242-9954.

THE VOICE: 717-242-9954?

ROD: (Relieved) Yes, sweet Jesus! Yes.

THE VOICE: OK, to get you to the right place, please indicate. Are you calling about billing and payments, tech support, adding new products or other?

ROD: Tech support.

THE VOICE: Billing and payment?

ROD: What? No, tech support.

THE VOICE: Adding new products?

ROD: (Yelling now) Tech support!! Tech support!!

THE VOICE: Jock support?

ROD: Wha? Are you kidding me?

THE VOICE: I don’t understand the question.

ROD: (Screaming) TECH SUPPORT!! TECH SUPPORT!

THE VOICE: You don’t have to shout, sir.

ROD: But I did have to. (Taken aback) Say, are you a real person?

THE VOICE: OK, tech support. Do you need help with DSL, telephone service or neither?

ROD: DSL

THE VOICE: Come again.

ROD: DSL

THE VOICE: Telephone service?

ROD: (Shouting again) DSL. DSL!

THE VOICE: Go to hell?

ROD: What did you say, you…..

THE VOICE: You want connected to telephone service.

ROD: (Yelling ) NO, NO NO!! I want to talk to a real person. Customer service! Customer service!

THE VOICE: I’m connecting you to telephone service.

ROD: (Out of control) CUSTOMER SERVICE! CUSTOMER SERVICE! CUSTOMER SERVICE!

THE VOICE: If this is not right, please press 5 to return to the main menu.

ROD: (Totally out of control now screaming) It’s not right! It hasn’t been right since I made the damn call. You ass wipe stains on civilization! You rectum robots! You dickless sons of whores! You sodomite salad shooters !

ANNCR: Spend the day getting to know us better. We’re here to help you with all your communication needs, both mass communications and personal. Put Verizon on your horizon.

ROD: (Still screaming) You goat ball lickers! You turd farmers! YOU PUSSY FARTING BASTARDS!!