FACEBOOKING THREE THOUGHTS OF THE DAY

BILL RODDEY As your dog circles endlessly for the perfect poop plop place, is it assessing asphalt acceptability, sniffing out soil substance, weeding , looking for an even pooping field or other dogs' excretory decisions, listening to hear God tell it where to go like a canine Glen Beck, practicing Feng shui or is it all just the... random fickleness of life, as in "Shit happens."?

What the world needs now is a time release martini.

Have you ever petted a tarantula to death? Have you ever seen a beautiful sunrise that made you vomit? Have you ever had to go to a Mob loanshark from the Mafia Wars to buy fertilizer for FarmVille? Have you ever lost your virginity to a turtle...twice? Have you ever saved someone from drowning, then thrown him back... because you didn't like him all that much? Have you ever burped up toe jam? ...Yeah, me too.

All roads may lead to Rome, but all vapor trails lead to Paris...Hilton, that is.


Who is your father? Who is your father?" worst dialogue of a sex scene ever.

It's tough being type cast as the bald, fat, incredibly handsome, but humble, old man.

Does the entire internet know? I keep getting SPAM e-mail titled "Stop feeling like a loser." Who told?

I’m a semi- vegetarian. I only eat animals that eat vegetables.

In 1983 there was a hot singing group called Katrina and the Waves. Were they the precursor to Hurricane Katrina and the waves that crashed over New Orleans 5 years ago? A coincidence? I think not. Nostradamas predicted this in the day as he was Walking on Sunshine.

Women live by consensus, as in "What do YOU think I should do?", whereas men decide like a dictator. Screw it, I'm gonna do it.

BOOM! There goes another baby boomer meeting his maker.
Sue Dunmire hope it wasn't me.
Bill Roddey If you're not all over the place, then it wasn't you. BOOM! Check yourself again. We are a pretty explosive generation, Sue. Always have been. BOOM! Wow , that one was just down the road. Gotta go see who it was.

She's got more baggage than the cargo holds of a fleet of 747s.

If you've HAD IT, don't give it to me, 'cause I had it years ago, and I need my job.

What do I do? One of my imaginary friends owes me $203.47, but he just lost his NASA job and has a baby on the way from his imaginary wife who's messin' around with an imaginary Charles Manson. He's hurtin', but I could sure use the money


The day after I'm gone, it'll be like I was never here. Such is the power of the present.

What's beside the point of no return? You can get to the point with a knife and a stick. AND
What's the point of life? It's sharp conclusion?


I just discovered that I have a split personality and that I have nothing in common with myself. This could really screw up my sex life.

I need an electrician to rewire the electrolytes in my Gatoraid. It's flat.

‎"Get hammered and nail a carpenter." The Carpenters' Ass. of America.

After 40 years of pondering this puzzle, I've come to believe that Bugs Bunny has serious health concerns, because he's always asking "What's up, doc?". This indicates multiple medical consultations about the state of his well being. Ah, wait, wait. .. Either that or he just calls everybody Doc and is incurably inquisitive and a wise ass.


It was so hot and dry today that our neighbors hired five fat guys to stand in the sun and sweat in buckets to be used later to water their garden. Unfortunately, I was unavailable.

The best work week is the week you're on vacation. The worst work week is the week you return from vacation.

Buffaloes have chicken wings, spaghetti has meat balls and I have a headache. Good night.

‎" I believe in hugs, as long as they lead to sex. Otherwise, screw 'em." The most interesting man in the world. "Stay thirsty, my friends."

It hit 103 today in the Baked Apple today!

Heat Wave- It's gonna be as sultry as an overworked Hooter waitress‘ panty shield. .

I never understood the subtle difference between the undead and the living dead, which, of course, is a contradiction in terms. Then there's the Greatful Dead who are thankful zombies with a rock and roll band. I don't know though how appreciative Jerry Garcia was about dying. Then there's the Dead Heads who, by definition, are dead from the neck up. This ends today's silly seminar.

It must be the Fourth Of July, 'cause tents selling fireworks are popping up like mushrooms after a heavy rain

WARNING: You feed him, ladies and he'll follow you home. That's pretty much any guy.

My life contains strong language, nudity, sexual situations, graphic violence and death. Viewer discretion is advised.

NEED YOU NOW- " It's a quarter after one and I'm a little loaded, and if goaded, I need you now. Uh oh. Fuckit, need a bucket first! Ummm Ummm Waaaaaaahhhhhhh!"

I found a photo of myself, as a baby, holding a photo of myself, holding a photo of myself, holding a photo of myself, holding a photo of myself, holding a photo of myself, holding a photo of myself, holding a photo of myself, holding a photo of myself. And in each photo I got older. And I thought "OMG, I'm Benjamin Button!!!"

It's so damn hot today, my id stuck to my superego.

Patience just takes too much damn time.

Midnight madness at 11:45. It's all just one long goodbye. Then you die.