KING KONG TRUMP
Donald Trump never had a thought he
didn't love or a critic he didn't hate.
After Ted Cruz picked Carly Florina as
his Vice President he chose his Cabinet for his second term as
President, started building his Presidential Library in Canada for
when he completes his presidency and invited the Houston Astros to
the White House for when they win the World Series.
Even Ted Cruz's imaginary friend as a
child hated him so much he committed suicide. His shadow refused to
follow him around out of disgust. In college, Ted Cruz was so
unpopular he was voted most likely to be buried in a shallow grave.
I'm so forgetful anymore that I just
forgot what I was looking for, while I was looking for it.
It's an Unpopularity contest in the
race for the Presidency. Donald Trump has a 57% unfavorable rating,
Ted Cruz has a 54% unfavorable rating and Hillary Clinton has a 52%
unfavorable rating. In other words, the Ebola Virus is more popular
than any of our Presidential candidates because it's not running
rampant in America like they are.
To Donald Trump being Presidential
means presenting President Trump steaks and power ties for sale
during his State of the Union addresses, throwing reporters out of
his press conferences for asking questions, demanding Hail to the
Chief be played all the time even when he has a bowel movement and
surrounding himself with beautiful women, not dogs, .during cabinet
meeting.
Today the pot at the end of the rainbow
is pot.
He used to be the
shit. Now he's just shit. What a difference an adjective makes..
“The” makes all the distinction between being a winner and a
loser.
I'm about as
ambitions today as a cat sleeping in the sun on a summer's day
dreaming about sleeping.
Yesterday, a guy was tail gating me so
closely I could see his thoughts.
Going digital
doesn't mean giving someone the finger. For the 6 year-old in all of
us.
The number one
reason for road rage is driving.
The world ends the
day I die.
Women tend to make
their decisions by committee, whereas men just don't care enough to
share.
My wife is my
designated talker. She's more dedicated to sharing her thoughts with
the immediate world than me. And she seems to know more words.
I don't want to
linger, so El Capitan death be swift and sure, but not while I'm
driving.
Ted “Despicable Me” Cruz, Donald
“Biff the bully from Back to the Future” Trump, Hillary
“Maleficent” Clinton and Bernie “De Lorean Doc from Back to
the Future” Sanders walk into a movie theater... to see their
alter egos.
Gentlemen, getting
married means you'll never have to make another decision for the rest
of your life because your wife will make them all for you. That's,
if you know what's good for you.
Chocolate covered
pretzels are the perfect food because they're chocolate sweet,
pretzel salty and twig crunchy enough for your parakeet to perch on.
Although, they're not marketed that way.
Zero sum game is
really just playing a casino's slot machines long enough till you
have a zero sum left and have to stop playing.
When your wife
tells you to tell her the truth..Lie. Thank me at the bar later.
The only one with
foresight is a four eyed Chernobyl frog. Everyone else is just
guessing wrong.
Your body is a
temple, so don't treat it like a dumpster...like me.
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